GHETTOBURGERS TO SUBTRACT SOME HOURS-YEARS FROM THE LAST OF EXISTENCE, SLIPPING AWAY IN MOLTEN LARD-SOAKED BUNS

 







On National Hamburger Day......I watched a cooking competition, in which the 'Guy Fieri Congestive Heart Failure Challenge' was to make the tastiest 'burger'.......[health considerations were, obviously, not a consideration.......] The 'winning' recipe: to 1lb of ground baby lamb, a lb. of ground baby veal and a lb. of pork sausage......add 2 whole eggs, a cup of crushed/fried bacon, a cup of avocado and a cup of mayonnaise.....shape some patties.....then dip the patties in beaten egg yolk and roll them in fried panko crumbs.....pan cook these in some more bacon grease, then cover them with thick slabs of cheese, melted over the burgers under a broiler......and finally, sandwich these between bun halves that have been grilled in butter, then toasted........lick the grease that runs down your arms, while holding this mass of dead animal flesh and molten, churned utter excretion.....best served over a cotton towel, with a liter of Coke.........to shorten one's life expectancy by a week or two........or make that 'three', with a side of macaroni and cheese......





Last night's and Just Now's "hand-held food challenge" a huge, stacked burger, oozing with bacon, ketchup, pickles, onions and lettuce, on a butter-drenched bun ..(a Euro-take on Miss Ann's Ghettoburger); and a crunchy super-thin, rolled tortilla, pan cooked in duck fat and Herbs de Provence, then filled with leftover gnocchi chili, carrot strips sauteed in duck sauce & chutney gravy and my 'special goo' of hoisin and roasted plums......served with no eating implements other than 'hands'.....How would Queen Elizabeth 'deal' with this at a State Dinner in Buckingham Palace? White gloves and tablecloth are de rigueur.....no napkins....no finger-licking! Hint: one may utilize the glass with 'stars'.....Stay tuned for another episode of "Emily Post, Humiliated".... Next week's challenge: eating a pair of popsicles, one in each hand, while on one's back, in the hot sun......upon a white towel.......avoiding 'sticky fingers', while someone licks raspberry sorbet from your navel as a pleasurable distraction.....and, while avoiding a pair of dogs with hungry tongues....their noses and eyes on those popsicles....





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cK9dlmYvB-Y&t=77s







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